What Does Resilience Look Like?
We have been hearing so much about “resilience” these days. We need more, those who have it are faring better than those who don’t… How can I get some of this magical stuff? In a bottle? In a mediation class? Maybe I never had it, so I will never get it? How will I know it when I see it? Is it a face with teeth gritted and muscles clenched? It is a soft and bendy Gumby doll that never breaks no matter how much you bend it? I don’t know if I can embody any of these. By definition resilience is; “The ability to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions.” So on the outside that looks like being able to “bounce back” or “stay the course” when things get hard. That sounds like strength to me. Am I strong enough?
What if resilience is like lipstick, even though it is the same color in the bottle, it looks different on everyone. Maybe depending on who we are, how we cultivate resilience will look very difference. For a long time I took the grit your teeth and power through approach. I would ball up and push through no matter what I was feeling or who was in my way. I thought this made me tough, and although I would feel like crap on the other side, I could say that I got through and take pride. But the feeling like crap part started to make me want to back off. I would avoid the hard things or medicate away the bad feelings. Staying on the easier path or throwing in the towel when things got hard, felt like the only way to avoid those terrible feelings in the middle, so I did, and I missed out, on a lot. I missed out of seeing my power and resourcefulness. I missed out on feeling pride when I overcame difficulty. I missed feeling like I could if I had to, because sometimes you have to and it is scary to not know if you can.
So I began to wonder what resilience looked like for me and I discovered some interesting things. Resilience looks like backing up a bit to assess what I “need” to do, and letting go of the rest. It looks like self care and slowing down so that I don’t feel overwhelmed. It looks like building new muscles and skills that I can use when I need them. Sometimes it looks like knowing I can and choosing not to. Sometimes it looks like choosing to try even when I am not sure I can, because I know I have filled my bucket with the tools I need to figure it out.
Resilience looks to other like that person who keeps going when the going gets tough, but how they keep going is different for everyone. How one cultivates resilience is unique to each of use, we just need to explore what works. So maybe the key ingredient isn’t strength, maybe it is curiosity?
