Daily Thoughts 2

Here we go again!  7 am and we are doing this thing.  I am grounding myself in the routine.  Write, ride, proceed with the day.

For the past 16.8 years my life has been grounded in my children’s routines.  When they woke or slept, when they were in school or at camp, their appointments or activities, all informed our schedule.  I fit myself in around them.  I worked when they were in school.  I made appointments when they were otherwise occupied, and I employed the help of babysitters and grandparents to fill in the times when I needed to be elsewhere.  It is not to say that my life has sat still, or that I have not pursued the things I love, because I have.  It is just to say that the daily cadence, the structure of any given day or week, was grounded by the children’s needs.

So now that all is changing.  The oldest has her licences and can drive she and her brother where they need to go.  Their school day last until 5:30 or sometimes even later, with sports and other activities.  So, they no longer need me to organize myself around their needs.  They are organizing themselves.  They need me in a different way.  A way that is not about concrete schedules and transportation.  They need me to be nearby holding them softly.

This seems to leave me ungrounded.  Kinda spinning without a gravitational pull to keep my two feet on the earth.  I noticed that I feel like I am floating from one thing to another not quite knowing what is next.  This has been ok for a while, but I know it is time to find my own sun to orbit around.  Who am I in the next phase of life and where am I feeling pulled?  I think I will start with a new routine.  A daily practice that is full of the things I love and the things that allow me to love myself.  I know that finding this practice and structure will keep my feet on the ground so my brain can soar, finding or creating the new thing that I will orbit around.