Joy.

A thirst can not be quenched if we don’t raise the glass to our lips. If we fear that the water will be gone. If we worry that this is the only glass that will be given to us. If we try to saver it, we will never quench the thirst. We will look at it longingly, we will read about how to find more, make more, steal more, but we will not put the glass to our lips. We might even drink the whole glass out of desperation and not notice it’s effects. If we imagine that it is our last glass of water we will become instantly thirsty again. Or if we drink it too fast we might choke and spit it all out.

I thirst for the full and satisfied feeling I get when I experience joy. I am always looking for it in food and drink, in people and places, sometimes in the things I wear or hear. When I find it I worry about when it will be over. What it will feel like to say goodbye to full and satisfied and have to live again with hunger. I can try to feed off the worry, but it never fills my belly. When I remember to notice and be grateful for joy it tastes delicious. It leaves me satisfied for so long. No need to snack or feel starvation just fullness and energy. 

This weekend I had the opportunity to be with one of my oldest friends. She has know me and I her since we were in college. We have know each other to grow, get stuck, fall, be confused, and succeed. We walk parallel path right now and spent the weekend in deep conversation and wondering. I knew the weekend was going to be short and that eventually I would have to do the hard work of saying goodbye and missing her. This weekend I was able to soak up the joy. I was able to let it in and let it fill me and quench my thirst. Usually when I come back from weekends whose intended purpose was to rejuvenate and restore my energy, the “high” lasts for a few short hours or maybe a day. But this time I feel energized beyond what I could have ever hoped for. I dared to allow joy to sink in. I quenched my thirst and enjoyed the experience. I was grateful for as many moments as I could. Leaving was hard and sad, but it wasn’t devastating. Because I had let her in and soaked up our time together it was easier to say goodbye. I was not terrified of loosing our connection because it was strong. I didn’t fear going back to my family, job, and life because I had eaten my fill of joy and filled my well for later reserves.